11/22/2008

I've had a lot on my mind lately and not the patience or ability to put my thoughts into coherent sentences.

I don't want to be safe.
I never want someone to say that they are with me because I'm the safe bet.
I want to have uncontrollable, irresistible, and irrevocable love.
The sort of love that can't be contained and confined in just three words.

I've played the safe road before, it didn't work out.
I found out that I lost myself along the way and didn't realize it until it was almost too late.

That's what makes me different from you.

I take chances. I never want to be wondering what if? What if I did more? I know that I've done everything in my power in all situations and in the end, I'm the one who just has to let go.

I wear a key around my neck to remind me to keep my heart locked tight. Only to release it to those who actually deserve it. But how do you ever know who just has a front up? When I realize that someone new may be getting too close, I push away. I'm well aware of the fact that I do it. If that person truly cares, they'll push back won't they?

I don't fall easily, but when I do I fall hard.

I've had some good talks with some friends lately, with the help of them and some of my favorite artists I've finally found some clarity with present situations.

I'm happy that I am the way that I am. I'm okay with the way that I wear my heart. Those who deserve it see it and experience it to it's fullest. Although, some that don't deserve it make their way in, I wouldn't have it any other way. From those people I've learned more about myself and the others around me. Some people don't deserve unconditional love and you just have to let them go before your own heart is soured by the negativity they bring.

Distance is just a measure of time. Time is worth it. I've always been able to overlook distance because it can always be changed and overcome. Distance is computable, while love is boundless.

Most of my favorite people in the world are far away from me. I see them for short times. Those short times though are some of the best moments, moments I want to forever hold on to. Because those moments, however short they are, are worth it. They are filled with joy & love, with appreciation. Everyone makes the most of those times because we don't know when the next may be.

I feel at home not in any certain building or city. I feel at home when I'm surrounded by the people that see me for who I am. The people who appreciate and understand me just the way I am, when I'm with those people - I'm home.

I miss always feeling at home.

xoxo audio love.
- leah falkowski