in the grand scheme of things...

"The Grand essentials of happiness are:
something to do, something to love, and something to hope for."
- Allan K. Chalmers

Sometimes quotes just have a way of finding you, others have a way of staying with you. I stumbled upon the Chalmers quote last night and it just stuck. Every single human is looking for happiness, whether it be in their own surroundings or within themselves, they are constantly grasping for it.

What defines happiness though? I looked to good ol' Webster dictionary in which happiness is defined as

a : a state of well-being and contentment : JOY
b : a pleasurable or satisfying experience

Is being content being happy though? There are many times where I would define something as being content, but far from happy. You can be content with being in second place, but you would have been truly happy at number one. Happiness also depends on the person and what drives and motivates and pushes them.

I do agree with Chalmers in the fact that having something to do is a big part of happiness. If you enjoy what you are doing for a living or just in general, the happiness will carry over into other parts/portions of your life.

There is a reason that there are health benefits to having a pet. Unconditional love coming from someone and putting your love to someone/thing else. You learn how to put something before yourself and make sure that they are happy/taken care of. In that aspect I agree with Chalmers as well, the fact that it says something to love. That something doesn't have to be a person, just something to put your love and affection towards. Your something to do could transition into the something you love, or just something you put all of your passion and desire into.

Hope is a driving factor in everyone. Everyone is hoping for something new to happen, a new thing to come around the corner, more success, a partner, whatever it maybe...hope does drive happiness therefore Chalmers hit it head on. The grand essentials of happiness are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for.

finding your own path...

“Disappointment to a noble soul is what cold water is to burning metal;
it strengthens, tempers, intensifies, but never destroys it.”
- Eliza Tabor

A lot can be said of a human race where someone states that their greatest flaw is putting others needs in front of their own. If everyone put someone other than themselves first the world would be a better place, too bad we don't live in that world.

I've come to a point in my life where I'm realizing more and more that I need to put myself first. I can't put the needs of my friends and loved ones before myself anymore. I need to succeed, I need to make it, I need to start doing things for myself and only myself.

But how do I start that? How do I start doing that when I'm afraid to hurt the ones around me? I've always said that I'm happy if the other people around me are happy, but what happens when I can't do anything to make them happy? What happens if what makes them happy hurts me? I'm sick of seeing the joy in others continuously be at my own expense.

Also, people are very hypocritical. What happens when I'm not there for them in the ways that they have expected me to be there? Those people that have never been there for me in the way I've been there for them, how will they react? I've come to have so many expectations thrown upon me that I don't know what to do anymore. How does one balance everything, is it even possible? WIll someone always be disappointed?

I'm going to start looking out for number one more. It's going to be a hard thing to do. Especially since I want to help make the world a better place, is that possible with putting yourself before the needs of others?

This has just turned into a series of questions with no set answers. How do we find the true path within oneself?

some place other than here..

"Look at what we've built from the ground up,
cause we're so sick of getting ahead from getting ahead of ourselves..."
- Chris Nathan

Looking back four years, I'm in a completely different place. I've accomplished so much, I've grown so much. I am very proud of who I've become, the contacts I've made, the things I've done, the people I've met, and how I've grown. I'm not the same little girl that I was when I left Eden, NY after graduating in 2003. I'm not the same girl that doesn't want to leave home, actually I can't wait to get back out there and experience the world more.

I'm the happiest I can be when I'm on the road. When I know I'm going to a new city, or just one different from the night before. Whether it be a day trip, a weekend trip, or a week long trip, I'm happiest when I don't know who I might meet or see the next day. I wish I had the money and resources to travel all the time, but I'm realistic and know that I can't.

Music has played a huge role in my life as it has for millions of other people. I don't know how I could have made it through so many times without it blaring in the background. It has helped mold me into the person I am today. Not only through the music itself, but through the people I have met because of it.

Music drives me. I can't say it's my life, because it isn't, I'm not a musician, I'm a music lover. I'm passionate about it, it consumes me at times, but it isn't "my life". I love being at a show or a festival, I love the feeling that enters my body. There is no other feeling than that of watching someone do what they truly love. Watching someone share their life, passion, and emotions with a couple people, a hundred people, or even thousands of people. There is nothing more motivating to me. Seeing other people that have a passion and drive for something other than themselves, just wanting to succeed in doing something that they truly love. Someone having a passion to succeed in something that helps others in ways that they might not even know or realize. It is a reality check to myself in a lot of ways. Going to a show always re-energizes me to focus on succeeding with photography, capturing moments in time for the enjoyment of others, much like the musicians in front of me are performing for the enjoyment and pleasure of others.

I've entered a new phase in my life. One that is full of uncertainty and the unknown. As much as I'm ready for it, I'm scared shitless. I want to be doing something that will help others. It might be physically helping others, or just motivating others to succeed. With that I'm stuck, I'm at a stand still. Where do I go from here?